Lots on my mind...
...this is rather personal info so if it's too much, skip today's ramblings.
DH & I went to our doctor last night to discuss the big "v." I have very mixed emotions. Some days I feel two is too much. Other days I feel devistated at the thought of not having kids again. I think we were in such shock over L's pregnancy, we didn't think this would be our last child. And of course, I hate to let go of the dream to have a boy...though there's no guarantee I realize. DH mentioned the idea of adoption. I don't know much about it truthfully. I met a gal at quilting who said it took 4 years to get a child. And my belief is that it's costly. Plus, I feel terrible at the thought of being capable of conceiving and taking a baby away from someone who cannot. And for me being pregnant was such a major part of the experience.
I do have health concerns with my weight, but other than that had normal pregnancies. I'm concerned with financials though if DH continues working, it's not an issue. I wonder if I can mentally deal with 3 and have enough patience for them. Space in our house, etc., etc. I'm just wondering if I'm out of my mind even considering it. All I know that all day yesterday and still today, I felt sad about it. The doctor did put in a referral, but said there was a 9 month weight (Ironic number don't you think?). It's just that for our entire relationship I've had this dream of having a baby boy and naming it after DH's father, Dennis. It's tough to let that dream go. And there are no guarantees we'll have a boy. But even if it was a girl, I'd love her the same. (And probably name her Denise...or some variation of it.) :)
Clearly I need help here. Any thoughts are welcome.
~B
posted by Bern @ 11:39 a.m.
5 Comments:
Oooh dilema. I'm all for D getting snipped (he's not and sometimes says what about another but I'm not sure he really wants one) b/c I think our family is great the way it is, I feel old to start over now that things are getting easier and we can do more with the kids. I also often wonder how things would change too if the baby had health or other issues. Dealing with Brooke in and out of the hospital for years took it's toll. I'm not ready to do that again. I have a twinge now and then but never enough to say to D, let's try - though we never seem to have to try very hard. Plus, with what happened last year I'm not prepared for the potential emotional pain. However, it's not me we're talking about and you, don't sound quite so convinced :) Does it have to be a resounding yes or no? You have 9 months to think about things and can always cancel surgery if you change your minds. You need to really sit down and weigh things like money, time, desire, help, daycare etc. A baby, as you know, is a big responsiblility takes up a lot of time and money. Plus, you have two others to deal with. How would another fit in?? It's an amazing gift but it's not without it's price. You want a boy, is that the main reason to try again or do you want a 'baby'? Getting a bit sad b/c your girls are growing up and another may not come along is a natural reaction but obviously a factor in the decision. Just playing devil's advocate. It's a big decision, sleep on it and don't make quick emotional decisions. Think with your head as well as your heart. Good luck!
My view on the issue is:if you're in doubt, don't act on it! Yes, babies do come with responsibilities, money can be an issue, it could be nice to have a room per person...endless list. BUT. Children are a precious gift, boys or girls, and I'd hate to see you throw away your chance of getting one if you're not 100% sure! We'll have to discuss more privately, but I'm sure happy that you've got time to think it through. Hugs. P.
Thanks gals. I think that 9 months will be a lot of thinking time for DH & I.
~B
Leave your options open. There are some things you can do to be responsible *cough* and control your own destiny. At the same time, you're still young and have plenty of time before "the change".
Why not look into a treatment that is reversible, so if you decide to have more children you can!
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