Hard Days Night

I realize I'm just in this unfortunate stage in life...small kids are lots of fun but sleep deprivation isn't. And when I'm tired, I become "grumpy mama." That's how E views me. I don't like it one bit. I hate being the ogre doiling out the rules. I guess it comes with the job though. The whole friend vs. parent issue. It's better to be the parent than be the friend, until the child is an adult. I see the value in it...and I somewhat see the value in a child being a tad fearful of their parents. Not true fear but a fear of consequences or disappointing parents. I had a bit of "fear" toward my mother and it kept me in line. That's what I want. But I don't want to be the grumpy, angry mom. I need to work more on that.

DH and I had a talk about E last night. The poor girl is trying so hard to get everyone's attention but isn't getting it. So she acts up and that gets our attention quickly. I've instituted a new "time out" routine. Instead of sending her to "bed"/her room, she has to sit on the mat in the kitchen for 3 mins (1 min/age). If she whines and kicks up a fuss or talks back or cries, I start the timer over. So far it's working. And I'm working harder to talk with her calmly instead of loosing my cool...although it becomes hard at the end of the day. Yesterday was a prime example of her behaviour. Daddy & Nana came home. The first thing I'm starving for is adult conversation...but E's craving having complete attention from an adult...not just part of me because I'm caring for L at the same time. So while the adults are talking, E's practically jumping up and down, dancing, whatever, all in an effort to say "hey, look at me!!! I'm here!! Someone notice me!!! Pay attention to me!!!." So her voice gets loud and we all shush her. Not good.

So tonight the game plan is different. I'm putting my need to be with adults on hold and letting E get all the attention for the evening. As it is, she only gets 3 hours with them and that includes time to eat and/or bath and get to bed. Besides, I can get out the door quicker to Curves and get my adult conversation there. DH & I also realized we need to plug in more. We're in the "roommate" stage like Shay was talking about one time. We're just doing what needs to get done: caring for kids, chores, escaping (video games for him/TV for me) and not connecting to one another. Again, we need a new game plan. We're going to stop whatever we're doing and take even 5 minutes out of the evening before bed to chat. I'm hopeful it will help us become closer in this challenging time.

Don't get me wrong...as much as I bitch about the kids, they bring such value and meaning to my life. In the midst of all the temper tantrums and wakings in the night, I love them more than anything in this world. And no matter how hateful they can be, I'll always love them...you can't switch that off just because they're being a pain in the ass. And at the end of the day, what part of this isn't my job?? I'm the mom, that's what we do. We get up at 11:30, and 3:30, and 6:30, and try to keep it together. We love even when we're hated. That moment when you see your child come into the world, that overwhelming, overflowing feeling of love envelopes and never goes away.

Well, that's enough of my Dr. Phil psychology today. Hope wherever you are you can keep the grumpies away and fill your heart with love and compassion.

~B